This IELTS Academic Writing Task 1 post focuses on another process diagram which is on sugar production. In this post a candidate’s answer is reviewed and then a model answer is presented with important points being discussed.
So, let’s look at the question first.
The diagram shows the production of sugar by a German company for supermarkets and restaurants.
Here is an example of a poor answer written by a candidate:
This diagram shows the production of sugar which is done by a German company for supermarkets and restaurants.
As overall picture, we can see that there are 8 stages here.
As discribing the picture in detail, at first sugarcane harvest happens in tropical regions. Secondly, crusher makes juice and thirdly partial filteration to collect raw sugar happens too. After that, this raw sugar is shipmented to Germany. In fourth stage, complete purification through melting & filtering also happens. Then crystallization from sugar syrup happens. The sugars are dryed from the sugar syrap.
After that, sugar packaging is completed. Then, finally all the sugar goes to delivery to supermarkets and restourants.
This is how all the stages are complete and we get the very good production of sugar in the supermarkets and restourants.
The answer is short of words (only 132 words).
Some spelling errors have occurred in the answer, even in simple words (discribing, filteration, dryed, syrap, restourants).
The response suggests that the candidate has understood the process and tried to maintain the sequence. However, use of cohesive devices/linkers/connectors is seriously restricted.
Lexical resource/ use of vocabulary are also restricted as the candidate has repeatedly used some words (then, as, etc.).
Candidate’s knowledge of grammar is too poor as he/she has made a lot of mistakes. Compound and complex sentences have been avoided.
Overall score: 4.5
Here are some important points to be noted when writing answer to a process diagram:
- The diagram has 8 stages.
- It starts with sugarcane harvest.
- It ends in delivery to supermarkets and restaurants.
- It has two filtration stages, one partial, the other one, complete and in between, there is a shipment segment.
- The writing structure for the model answer is:
- Introduction: Paraphrasing the title and making an overall comment on the picture. (2 lines with 30-40 words)
- Description: Describing the picture in 100-130 words explaining all the stages.
- Using Simple Present Tense
- Using simple, compound and complex sentences.
- Using Third person as subject.
- Using passive voice as the action doer is not present.
The diagram is a clear depiction of sugar manufacture for restaurants and supermarkets by a German company. Overall, the process involves a total of eight stages opening with the harvest of raw materials and culminating in delivery.
As the picture displays, the first stage of producing sugar is harvesting sugarcane, which are the raw materials of sugar, from tropical regions. Then raw juice is collected from those sugarcane using a crusher. Next, the juice is partially filtered to gather raw sugar which is shipped to Germany for the subsequent processing. When the raw sugar reaches Germany, they pass through melting and filtering stage where the complete purification is done. The melted sugar is now called sugar syrup which transforms into crystals in stage 5. In the subsequent stage, the sugar crystals are dried using fans after which the newly made sugar is packed. Finally, sugar packs are delivered to different supermarkets and restaurants. (153 words)
Expected band score: 8.0
Here are some other Task 1 answers for you: