IELTS Academic Writing Task 1: Process Diagram on apple juice production; with candidate's answer analysis and model answer

IELTS Academic Writing Task 1: Process Diagram on apple juice production; with candidate’s answer analysis and model answer

This Academic IELTS Writing Task 1 post discusses a process diagram on apple juice production. In this post we will have an in-depth discussion on a candidate’s answer, analyze and review it from an examiner’s point of view. We shall also look at a model answer prepared by an IELTS Expert.

IELTS Academic Writing Task 1: Process Diagram on apple juice production; with candidate's answer analysis and model answer

First, let’s take a look at the question.

The diagram shows how concentrated apple juice is produced.

IELTS Academic Writing Task 1: Process Diagram on apple juice production; with candidate's answer analysis and model answer

Let’s have a look at this answer written by a candidate with an average ability.

Answer written by an average IELTS Candidate:

The diagram show apple juice production.

In total 11 stages are there started from harvesting and selecting best apples and ended with delivery.

As we see in the picture, in stage number 1 harvesting and selecting best apples is done and in stage number 2, receving belt takes apples to washing and sorting. Then apple grinder crash the apples and pressing machine press them a lot. In fifth stage centrifuger separates water from apple concentration. Stage 6 is aroma adding to concentration stage. In the next stage filtration is done and next stage pasteurization happens. Stage 9 is bottle stage and they are sent to bottle filling. Then packaging is done and the apple juice bottles are ready for delivery.

Examiner’s review:

The answer is short of words (120 words). Lexical resource or vocabulary range is quite restricted. Use of compound and complex sentences is not well executed. A number of spelling mistakes show the examinee’s further weakness in vocabulary. There a lot of mistakes in both grammar and sentence structures. Some information has not been included in the description.

The band score for this answer is 4.0.

Before looking at the model answer prepared by an IELTS Expert, let’s fix the answer of the candidate as much as we can.

Correction made for the answer written by the candidate:

Take a close look. The candidate wrote a very short introduction and made another paragraph to write the overview or overall trend. There are some grammar errors too.

Candidate’s INTRODUCTION:

The diagram show apple juice production.

In total 11 stages are there started from harvesting and selecting best apples and ended with delivery.

Corrected INTRODUCTION:

The illustrated diagram shows how apple juice is produced. In total there are 11 stages starting from harvesting and selecting the best apples and ending in delivery.

Again, take a look. The candidate tried to write a good description but failed for her/his weaknesses in grammar, spelling and lack of knowledge in sentence structuring. He is also short of words.

Candidate’s DESCRIPTION:

As we see in the picture, in stage number 1 harvesting and selecting best apples is done and in stage number 2, receving belt takes apples to washing and sorting. Then apple grinder crash the apples and pressing machine press them a lot. In fifth stage centrifuger separating water from apple concentration. Stage 6 is aroma adding to concentration stage. In the next stage filtration is done and next stage pasteurization happens. Stage 9 is bottle stage and they are sent to bottle filling. Then packaging is done and the apple juice bottles are ready for delivery.

Corrected DESCRIPTION:

As it is seen in the diagram, in stage 1 the best apples are harvested and selected and in the next stage, receiving belt takes the selected apples to the washing and sorting section. After that, the apple grinder crashes them and then the crashed apples are sent to the pressing chamber. In stage 5 the centrifuge section separated water from apple concentration. Stage 6 is the aroma adding stage to the concentration. In the next stage filtration is completed which leads to the pasteurization stage. Here, the concentration is heated at 80°C. Stage 9 is the bottle filling section and in the following stage the bottles are packed. Finally, the apple juice bottles are ready for delivery.

Now let’s have a look at the whole corrected answer:

The illustrated diagram shows how apple juice is produced. In total there are 11 stages starting from harvesting and selecting the best apples and ending in delivery.

As it is seen in the diagram, in stage 1 the best apples are harvested and selected and in the next stage, receiving belt takes the selected apples to the washing and sorting section. After that, the apple grinder crashes them and then the crashed apples are sent to the pressing chamber. In stage 5 the centrifuge section separated water from apple concentration. Stage 6 is the aroma adding stage to the concentration. In the next stage filtration is completed which leads to the pasteurization stage. Here, the concentration is heated at 80°C. Stage 9 is the bottle filling section and in the following stage the bottles are packed. Finally, the apple juice bottles are ready for delivery.

This answer may get a band score in between 6.5 and 7.5.

Model answer from an IELTS Expert:

The diagram illustrates the way in which concentrated apple juice is manufactured. Overall, the best apples pass through ten stages before being delivered to customers.  

In the first stage of producing apple juice, apples are harvested from orchards and the best raw apples are selected from them. These apples are received by a belt which takes them to the washing and sorting section. After the apples are sorted, they are ground into smaller pieces. In the subsequent stage, the crushed apples are passed into a pressing machine and then to a centrifuge machine in stage 5. Here water is removed from apple concentration. In the following stage aroma is added to the concentration before the filtration stage. The next stage is the Pasteurization stage where the apple concentration is cooked in 80°C temperature. After that, the concentrated apple juice is bottled and packed in stages 9 and 10. Finally, the apple juice bottles are ready for delivery.  

(157 words, band 8.0)

Here are some other Task 1 answers for you:

Process diagram on sugar production

Flow-chart on sweater manufacturing

Process diagram on olive oil production

Flow-chart on writing a story

Two maps showing changes in an industrial village

Two maps showing changes in a town

Life cycle diagram on tuna fish

Life cycle diagram on silkworm moth

Cycle diagram on water movement

If you think the post is helpful, please follow and like us:
error0

4
Leave a Reply

avatar
4 Comment threads
0 Thread replies
0 Followers
 
Most reacted comment
Hottest comment thread
0 Comment authors
IELTS AC Writing Task 1: diagram, life cycle of a frog, with detailed explanations and best model answer | IELTS DealIELTS Academic Writing Task 1: Cycle diagram on movement on carbon on the earth; with model answer and vocabulary practice | IELTS DealIELTS Academic Writing Task 1: diagram on electricity generation by solar panels for a house; with bonus tips and a model answer | IELTS DealIELTS Academic Writing Task 1: Process diagram on sugar production; with candidate's answer review and a model answer | IELTS Deal Recent comment authors
  Subscribe  
newest oldest most voted
Notify of
trackback

[…] Process diagram on apple juice production […]

trackback

[…] Process diagram on apple juice production […]

trackback

[…] Process diagram on apple juice production […]

Releated

IELTS Writing Task 2: A both-view/opinion essay about lead-positions in company by elders or youngers; with structure and 8.0+ model answer with explanations

IELTS Writing Task 2: A both-view/opinion essay about lead-positions in company by elders or youngers; with structure and 8.0+ model answer with explanations

This IELTS Writing Task 2 post deals with a both-view/opinion essay on a controversial topic which is ‘executive positions in companies or organizations by elders or youngers’. The post contains the structures and notes to write the answer effectively along with a 8.0+ model answer and explanations.  If you think the post is helpful, please […]

error: Protected content!